Batteries Not Included
by TehVoices
Summary: ... I have weird titles for stuff.. o.o Right. Not relevant. Uh, yeah. Little random things. Demasculinating things happening to bishonen, that kinda stuff. ... and its stupid. oO; Wow. That sucked.( un-beta'ed )


Batteries Not Included

_Literary Proof That Bad Things Happen_

_ When Coffee Pots are Left Unsupervised_

Anyone remember back in the proverbial 'day' when I still had _YGO Worst Case Scenarios _ up?

...-crickets chips-

...right... well, it was executed since script-format is banned, but has finally been reincarnated. Squee.

Every different 'scene' is completely independant and is in no way linked to the other 'scenes'. The ickle notes at the beginnin's are explanananations for where I got 'em from and stuff. Ah dinnae own Yuugiou or anything else referred to, so even if you sued, ye'd get nussink. XP Please hold all Warclubbing until you have finished reading, absorbed the irrelevance, and basked in the stupidity. Sankyuu.

_(( Warning: Drabble-ish towards the end... and yes, more subtle fun-poking-ness. nn;; Don't kill me. ))_

_**...mwahahaph34rtehoddlinebreak...**_

_( Ever read Megatokyo? Yeah, well, think of Piro's job. Nyow. XP )_

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. _DAMMIT._

This sucked. This blowed. This was hell.

Malik fumed to himself behind the cash register, slouching as much as possible as if to sink into the floor. Of course, as it always is in situations such as these, the ability to pass through solids never comes, unless you were a ghost; and you had to die before _that _ happened.

This option was sounding pretty tempting at the moment.

Isis, annoyed at her brother's 'crashing' at her house, had booted open the door to his bedroom ( which smelled faintly of turtle wax (1) ) just that morning and demanded he get a job.

And demanded.

And demanded.

And de... okay, bodily threatened.

Valuing his life and limbs, the blonde was compelled to apply for a job at the only place with an open spot - the damn video game store where the damn employees had to wear damn-ass cosplay outfits while selling the _damn_ games to the damn customers.

...dammit.

And _most _damnable of all, the damnedest damned thing that should burn in an eternity of damnifying hell for eternal damnation was his.

Malik + Halo + Fluffy white wings badness. Who needs algebra if you know _that _ much?

He had been thudding his head on the counter for a good ten minutes, consequently turning his forehead a rather nice shade of pink. And he was about the begin thudding it against the cash register ( perhaps he wanted to couple it along with some lovely purple ) when -

"**_MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**"

But you probably saw that coming.

Malik looked up, half-conscious from the counter encounter. Sigh. "Yamiiiii..."

Yami Malik + cosplay devil horns + plastic pitchfork verybadness. Not very badness, but _verybadness._

Prancing out from the dressing room ( the women's, mind you ), the incarnate of insanity pirouetted in midair a few times, knocked over a display of second-hand manga, tripped spectacularly over a PS3 demo, landed on the counter with a _thud_, slid on his back a few inches and miraculously managed to retain all demonic articles. He grinned in a chibi-esque way, a way that looked unearthly on Yami Malik - in fact, probably unvenusly or unjupiterly, too.

Wielding his plastic by-product of peril, the oddly embodied psycho growled, "_Take me to your ladder!_"

"... Yami, what have I told you about watching old American horror movies?"

"_AND YOUR LETTER AS WELL!_"

"Would you get off the count - _OW! _Dammit, you poked me in the eye!"

"Hold still - I'll even it out for you."

Snarl. "Dammit, _YAMI_, give me the _stupid pitchfor_k - "

" _NEVER!_ I DEMAND TO SEE YOUR LENDER!"

**CRASH.**

"GAH! Get the HELL off, 'kari - "

"I can't ... ack... the damn PS3 case fell on my leg."

"Well, get it off, you - NOT LIKE _THAT!_"

"What? I'm trying to kick it off, you idiot - "

"I'm FACEDOWN on the ground. You're ON TOP OF ME."

"So?"

"... Ra, haven't they taught you this in school?"

"...oh. Wait, not - ! "

"..."

"... _EEEEWWW!"_

"Oh, grow up. ...Ra, when's the last time you _bathed?_"

"If you hadn't gotten out that stupid pitchfork - "

"Hey, _you _got to dress up."

"_I **WORK ** HERE! _What, you think I _LIKE _wearing this damned thing?"

"Well, from the position we're currently in - "

"Oh, get your mind out of the gutter."

"... I _**AM** _ the gutter."

"Oooh, that was so _witty... _I'm positively _stunned _ at how _witty _that was."

"Shut up and find a way out of this."

"Fine. As long as - "

We may never know what this once condition was, but we have a pretty good idea; at that precise moment, a group of yaoi fangirls walked into the store, perhaps for batteries, perhaps to buy the newest Demon Diary. And by the look on Malik's face, this had been the fate he was fearing.

The yaoists froze. The yami froze. The hikari froze. The second hand on the FFX clock didn't. It ticked. And ticked every second. With its second hand. Not its hour hand or minute hand. With its second hand. Because its a clock. And that's what clocks do. And it added to the dramatic effect.

Yami Malik was first to thaw from the timefreeze. "... crap."

"... **_DEMON X ANGEL FIC!_** "

...oooooooooness...

o.o Righto. I had way too much fun with the drabble-ness... you get to visualize conversations more realistically that way. n.n And of course, the exchange is cyncial as hell... oh, come on, you know cynical exchanges are fun.

And yes, I made fun of yaoi again... and ficliches (( Mwaha. Ph34r the n3w w3rd. ))... n-n;;

But seriously. People. Let me be serious here a minute.

... **_GUNBOAT! _**

Okay, no really. Serious.

... -intake of breath-...

...-furthers climactic pause-

...-wonders if 'suspenseful' might have been a beter adjective-

... -didn't know 'climactic' was in her vocabulary-...

... **_MIYA-HEE! MIYA-HOO! MIYA-HA! MIYA-HA-HA!_**

Romanian techno music tumults from nowhere- -disco ball appears-

Ryou: ... shoot me. Now.

(( ...theNumaNumapwnsyerSOUL... ))


End file.
